Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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