Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
