ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
