I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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