Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
