Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
