she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
