I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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