I could make wine with my vomit
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
