I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
