1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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