went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
