Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
