The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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