just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
