you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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