He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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