That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
