Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We have started to decorate penises.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
