This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face