What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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