I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
