RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
