Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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