Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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