she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
