I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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