I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
