Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
