I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This is classic penis vs brain.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
