I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my shit smells like andre
he fucked my hip out of place.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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