Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
