so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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