The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
