So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
