Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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