i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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