Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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