Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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