well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
