I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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