just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
