He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
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EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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