my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
