I just saw a hot homeless man
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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