Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
