I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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