Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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