I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
being pregnant is like rehab
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The Olympian is in my bed
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
