Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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