Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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