Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So much rum. So many feels.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
