Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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