I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
