party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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