my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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