I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
