i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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