we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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