there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
