I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Enjoy the penises
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
