as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
