ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
