Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
MIDGETS
????
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
