Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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