When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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