I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
