Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
