I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize