dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
