glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
