I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
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i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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