so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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