So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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