Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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even the AIR tastes like tequila.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
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I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
3 2 1 whiskey
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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