I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
