You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize