just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
